Quick Takes. . .

From The Infamous Chicago Sun-Times
by Zay N. Smith - Chicago Sun-Times - Sept. 27, 2004

Bush/Cheney putting new spin on terrorism

News Item: Terrorists target the 2004 presidential election and "democratic processes associated with the election."

News Item: President Bush announces that opponents who criticize his Iraq policy "can embolden an enemy."

News Item: Vice President Dick Cheney announces that opponents who criticize Bush administration Iraq policy are "destructive to our effort in Iraq and the global war on terror."

All right, terrorists.

We have some top people doing what they can to undermine the process of open debate in an election year.

Is there anything else you need help with?

Nice face

From Section 9 (a) (vi) of the Commission on Presidential Debates Memorandum of Understanding:

"When a candidate is speaking, either in answering a question or making his closing statement, TV coverage will be limited to the candidate speaking.  There will be no TV cut-aways to any candidate who is not responding to a question while another candidate is answering a question or to a candidate who is not giving a closing statement while another candidate is doing so, thereby permitting the candidates to make faces at each other as may be deemed appropriate by the respective representatives of the candidates."

Sorry. Made the last part up.

Flush with excitement

News Headline: "Belfast to host 2005 World Toilet Summit."

At long last, the prayers of the Northern Ireland Tourist Board have been answered.

Assault on common sense

J.R. Laredo, a Chicago reader, writes:

Didn't House Majority Leader Tom DeLay once say the Republicans would work hard to deliver the bills the president wanted?  So if the president had really wanted an assault weapons ban, wouldn't DeLay have really worked to deliver one?  Also, in a picture that ran on the front page of the Sun-Times during the hostage crisis at the school in Russia, that wasn't a gay couple wanting to marry dangling from the terrorist's hand, but an assault weapon."

The solution, if we are to uphold Bush administration family values, seems simple enough: The government should issue assault weapons to every gay couple.

Babble on

QT Modern Corporate Gibberish of the Week:

Sanofi, which merged with Aventis after rejecting Novartis, has acquired the rights to Arixtra and Fraxodi.

In perfect harmony

President Bush regarding foreign policy:

"A couple of days ago in New York, I was having a Diet Coke with my friend, Prime Minister Koizumi. . . ."

It has come down to this: Our presidential campaigns now feature product placement.

Earthy, man

We are living in the Cenozoic Era, for those keeping track.

Fun with Fidel

From Poor QT's Almanack:

On this day 44 years ago, Fidel Castro addressed the United Nations General Assembly for 4 hours 29 minutes in a speech reproduced here in digest form: "Although it has been said . . . to sum up our policies . . . very well, then, this is our policy."

*Classic mistake

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language (cont'd):

Tim Mooney, a Homewood reader, regarding ungrammatical song titles, writes:

"While another of your readers was grammatically correct in his assessment of 'Who Do You Love,' it is a crime that he attributes the song to those Delaware wannabes, George Thorogood & the Destroyers.  Anyone with a modicum of musical knowledge knows that Ellas McDaniel (a k a Bo Diddley) first recorded the song at Chicago's own Chess Records.  Shame, shame, shame."

"Asterisk" is mispronounced by 35.69 percent of Connecticutters, by the way.

QT is at qt@suntimes.com.